Seize Your Joy!

As I read about the MySpace hoax I have become really saddened by this entire situation.  A family is grieving, couple is divorcing, and little girl lost her life.  This did not have to be.  In fact, this entire situation took place because teenage friends ended their friendship. 

In life we all meet people whom may or may not walk with us our whole journey.  I have come to realize it is better to let go of a toxic person than to try and change someone.  Once at a church program a minister demonstrated how toxic people can deplete you. 

He had a woman stand in a chair.  He told her to pull him up into the chair with her.  She could not no matter how hard she tried.  He grabbed her hand and pulled down.  She fell out of the chair (into a group willing and waiting to catch and her). 

This demonstrated two things: 

1. It’s easier to pull someone down than up. 

2. You must surround yourself with people who are willing and eager to support you both when you’re up and if you should fall down.

We are all going to meet people that are only meant to be in our lives for a short period of time.  Be sure you allow yourself to let these “short timers” go.  This does not mean loosing a friend won’t hurt.  However if you celebrate the friendship and show kindness and grace no matter how hurtful things may be, you will survive. 

Teach your children to let hurtful friendships go.  Teach them not everyone is meant to be a lifelong friend.  Most importantly let them know if they are sad or depressed you are always there for them to talk to.

Many people shy away from meditation as a stress reliever.  The assumption is that you have to get in a yoga position and hum loudly.  Now you can do this if you choose however meditation can be much simpler. 

Mediation can be sitting with your eyes closed (or even open) and allowing your negative thoughts to leave your mind.  You can think about something that makes you happy and focus all your attention on that.  You can even fix your eyes on a wall, photo, etc. and allow that to be your focus. 

Often I like to focus on either a Bible scripture or thought that makes me feel warm and happy.  After a few minutes I can hardly remember what was stressing me out.  If you’d like to start meditating, follow these simple steps:

1. Sit (do not lay) in a calm and quiet place.  Relax your body and allow it to sink into your seat. 

2. Close your eyes (or leave them open) and focus on a positive thought, scripture, or image.  You may even want to allow yourself to go blank.  The choice is yours. 

3. Just let yourself go for a while.  Your mind and body will tell you how long to meditate. 

4. Once your mind tells you your time is up, come out of your meditation slowly.  Don’t just hop up.  Allow yourself to be slowly refilled with energy and movement.

Once you get in the habit of knowing your meditation process (how long, the best setting for you, etc.) you can add meditation to your daily/weekly/monthly schedule.  It’s fun and allows you the opportunity to really open yourself up for greater self-knowledge.  I also find it allows me a closer relationship with God as I am truly allowing myself to listen to Him completely. 

Share your thoughts.  Do you currently meditate?  If so, what led you to meditation?  If not, would you like to start?  Let me know how I can help you get started.

Today we visited our local Target.  Whenever we go out with the boys we always get stopped because people are naturally curious about twins.  People ask us all types of questions about us and the boys; including some things that are a bit too personal.

When we go to the store it is hard to: keep the boys entertained so we don’t leave a trail of our cart items following, keep focused on what we are actually there to get (even with a list), and be courteous to well meaning (I hope) strangers.  However I’ve learned “your perception is your reality”.

I make it a point to always be nice and entertain people when they talk to me.  So why am I sharing this with you?  As the holiday season gets underway you may find yourself in situations where you’ll need to be able to diffuse a potentially negative situation before it gets started. 

In the mall, at the grocery store, or even at a friend/family member’s house, you may find someone says something you find offensive and rude.  However when this occurs I suggest you remember your perception is your reality.  If you refuse to allow comments to bother you…they won’t.

I use the following 4 step approach when someone says something too rude or personal:

1. I ask the person nicely what they mean or to repeat what they said.  Usually if a person does not mean to be rude or too personal they’ll gladly repeat what they said as they don’t think it is out of line.

2. I consider a couple of different ways the person may mean to come across.  Simply, I give the benefit of the doubt.

3. I tell them what they are asking is out of line or a bit too personal.  I say this in a way as to be factual and not to hurt the person’s feelings or be rude.

4. I let it go.  I refuse to get angry or annoyed.  If the person apologizes I accept and then move along.  There is no reason to dwell or try and “teach them a lesson”. 

Remaining calm and keeping your cool takes practice.  There will be times you get angry with strangers but as you learn to move on you’ll find those times become fewer and fewer.  I know if you put these steps to use this holiday season you’ll have much more fun and a lot less stress. 

Do you have any other tips you use to keep the peace?  If so, please email them to me and I’ll share them. 

Have you ever tried journaling?  Maybe you tried and it didn’t go so well.  Maybe you think there really is no benefit for you because you don’t enjoy writing.  Maybe you just don’t know what to write.

Whatever reason journaling has not taken off for you, I’d like to help you get started with journaling.  Journaling offers many benefits including: clearing negativity out of your mind, working through a difficult problem, and just organizing your thoughts.

I’ve found journaling is very helpful in documenting progress I’ve made in areas in my life as well as something to look forward to each day.  I journal my thoughts, concerns, and even Biblical scriptures that really hit home.  To get started try these 5 steps:

1. Buy or even make a nice but inexpensive notepad.  I prefer unlined paper because I can write as much or as little as I like.  Make sure this notepad is only for your journaling and not for “to do lists”, the kids to color in, etc.

2. Pick a really comfortable ink pen or pencil you’ll look forward to writing with each day.  This pen/pencil should only be used for your journal writing.

3. Select a time of day when you’ll be alone and uninterrupted.  This time of day should be the same each day; I usually try before I get out of bed or before I go to bed.

4. Close your eyes and think of an emotional event or situation.  If you want you can pick an event that was joyful or maybe one you’d like to reprocess and work through again.

5. Write down the event, the emotions the event caused, and then how the event came to be.  You may even want to go as far as to write how you can do things differently the next time or how you plan to continue to do things the same.

The first couple of times it may seem a bit uncomfortable to relive parts of your day.  However it gets easier as you get in the habit of writing.  Once you get in the habit of journaling you’ll find you can’t wait to write each day.  It will get a lot easier.

 If you currently journal, let me know why and what led you to start.  If you don’t currently journal, consider starting.  Feel free to email me with any questions you have about starting this fun de-stress technique.

Today my Work It Mama! Radio Show aired its first broadcast.  To listen click here. What a fun experience!  I’d love to know:

1. What you think

2. What ideas you have for show topics

3. Who would you like interviewed

4. What are your favorite products and services you’d like to see featured

Remember the Work It Mama! Radio Show is just for you.  Any ideas and suggestions are welcome.  Email me and let me know your thoughts.